Just Thinking

I haven’t been sleeping well lately. For awhile now, I’ve had quite a bit of trouble trying to fall asleep. Lucky for me though, it hasn’t been about work. Well kind of lucky. This other thing that is keeping me up is wearing on me a lot more than my job ever has. It’s one of those things that you can’t get off your mind no matter how hard you try or what you are doing. Work I’m always able to forget about when I’m doing something fun or distracting enough. This other thing is more complex. It’s one of those things you kick yourself in the pants for each time you realize what you aren’t and are doing. And the solution is not as easy as I wish it could be. I’m sure there are about 2-3 people who probably could tell you what it is, and a few other who might be able to guess. Oh well. I let my mind go and it starts racing. Even right now…fuck, how do you ever shut it off?

But here I am writing…listening to music…and thinking. Thinking, thinking, thinking. How best to approach it? Which angle can I come at it which will give me the best opportunity for succession? I swear I have to have thought about this more than any sane person should. And still I have nothing to show for it. I’ve had more conversations with myself over what I should do and what will happen (or what I hope will happen.)

‘Why now,’ some ask, ‘what causes that switch to just go off?’

I don’t know it’s not like it’s been a recent decision. It’s always been there, just in my amazing ways I’ve been able to avoid doing what needs to be done. Whoever thought this would be so hard, but I swear I’m just complicating things more than they ever need to be. I just hope I haven’t missed my chance. I’m sure there is a point where if I don’t act, I’m going to miss the opportunity completely which of course is why I must act.

Please tell me I’m not crazy. Lol. This is normal. *sigh* Oh well. He is to hoping I act and all is over soon. And here is to a better nights rest.